Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
