What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
