Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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