were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
