pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize