you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
