Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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