it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
