Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
