I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
