I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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