I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
