I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
