I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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