My sheets look like a crime scene.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
