she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
