His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Randomize
