Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
