i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Holy sore nipples Batman
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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