hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
