That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
