i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
