Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
