That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
