Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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