i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
