Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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