I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
