I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
