Will you blow on my dice?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
