You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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