I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
