I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
