so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize