I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
