my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize