so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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