non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
