I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
