My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
