I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
