he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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