it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
