You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
