You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
