so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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