I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i already hear my dad disowning me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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