i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
