I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
