as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Found the puke drawer
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize