Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
