I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
