Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
