Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
