does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
