Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
this is an emotional support booty call
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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