"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
