So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
