why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize