You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just googled if crying burns calories
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
