So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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