i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize