So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
