i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
