and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
