My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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