thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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