You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
