everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
