just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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