I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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