I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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