I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
