you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
