I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My dick has a subreddit
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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