I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
