I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
