if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
