That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
