well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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