I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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