We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
They took my balls.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
