this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
