party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
