We're like a lot better than the average bears
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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