End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize