discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it was like eating out sand paper
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
