I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
