How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
