Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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